HUMOR

REAL LIFE SALE ADS THAT APPEARED IN THE OMAHA WORLD HERALD
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART DOG

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 five-finger, 1 three-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE-ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

TICKLE ME ELMO. NEW IN BOX. HARDLY TICKLED. $700

2 TINKLE ME ELMO DOLLS - BEST OFFER

BLACK FACE COWS, CALVES... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

'83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK PUMPED.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

CHARMIN ULTRA BATHROOM TISSUE - BONELESS

NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: 432-7762

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER BE A REWARD.

HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

GET A LITTLE JOHN - THE TRAVELING URINAL - HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.

PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER

NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED

WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN-FROST FREE!

BARBIE COUNTRY RIDE -- (note: most dolls cannot pedal the bike).

'93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES

FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

FROZEN SOFT & GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS

AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLAK WHO KNITTED INCLUDED - $100

KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME.

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD.

THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE '50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300.

LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

CHICKEN & DUMPING DINNER TO BE HELD SATURDAY

SO FRENCH, AFTER ONE CUP YOU'LL WANT TO GO OUI, OUI.

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

BAR S SLICED BALOGNA - REGULAR OR TASTY - SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2

OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.


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