Phone conversations last 30 seconds

You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase

Bathroom lines are 80% shorter

You can open all your own jars

Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight

When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying

You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go

You can go to the bathroom alone

Your last name stays put

You can leave a hotel room bed unmade

You can kill your own food

The garage is all yours

You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"

You never have to clean the toilet

You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes

Wedding plans take care of themselves

If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend

Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3

None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry

You don't have to shave below your neck

You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night

If you're 34 and single, no one notices

Chocolate is just another snack

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat

Three pair of shoes are more than enough

You can whip your shirt off on a hot day

Car mechanics tell you the truth

You don't give a rats ass if someone doesn't notice your new haircut

You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, "He must be mad at me"

One mood, all the time

You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him

Same work........more pay

Gray hair and wrinkles add character

Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental 100 bucks

You don't care if someone is talking behind your back

If you retain water, it is in a canteen

The remote is yours and yours alone

You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom

If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected

If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet

You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny